Without you...

I know that I am the one who caused this, And I know that now um not allowed to do this, Still I dont think i can go without saying this, This,my life will never be complete.. Without you....

I also know that um d one who hurt you, In my anger said things I never really meant to, In the past two days couldnt figure out what to do, My days and nights have become a mess... Without you...

I realise um not as strong as I thought I could be, Every other minute your picture on my wall is what I see, I try to cry but my tears wont just flow and let me free, My heart just beats but um not alive... Without you...

The end or the beginning!?!

As she walked into sight from across her hostel's gate, his face beamed with excitement, standing across the road. As she came closer, he noticed she wasn't even looking at him and her head was bent down. Nevertheless, as soon as she came within reach, he grabbed her and hugged her as tight as he could and whispered into her ear, "Its time to reveal the surprise I have been holding out on, Are you ready for it!??"
Suddenly he felt her arms loose their grip around him and she barely managed to get the words to his ear, "Before you surprise me, I have something to tell you that I have been meaning to say for quite some time but just couldn't!!"
He had always been good at sensing whatever was forthcoming. He feared the worst yet he wanted to somehow either delay that or even turn it around with his reveal. " Can't it wait just a tiny bit more, honey!? I am really really excited to tell you this. Please just let me finish and then  your turn, what say!?" he sorta pleaded.
He also knew she would have her way with him, she always had, he could never say no to her, he had totally surrendered himself to her and would do anything she asked or wanted.
"Nope, lemme go first, its really imperative I say it first!" she said in a stern voice.
He withdrew his arms from around her, all his energy and excitement were gone, somehow he knew he was not gonna get a chance to deliver his surprise....
She said it all. He was right about all of it. He just stood there listening as she delivered the words that he never wanted to hear, that he had a few times dreamt of coming from her but she had always dispelled those nightmares in the past with her gestures. Today though, she said it all and left, left him standing right there, frozen in his tracks. She never even got to see his surprise. The needles now stung his arm where they had pierced him thousands of times the previous day, setting her name in ink. Yesterday he had smiled at the sensation, today it felt like all of that pain came gushing back all at once, and not just to his tattooed arm, but to all parts of his body. The ring now lay in its box in his jacket pocket, never coming out in the open ever again. His bruised knee hurt as well now, after all, he had been practising for this moment for as long as he could remember. The phone in his pocket kept buzzing non stop with voicemails and texts all saying the same, " How did it go!?" , something he was never gonna be able to reply to!
He had probably waited just a little bit longer than he should have and in a moment, it was all gone.
Thus a lover's journey ended and a writer's story began!!

What keeps you up at night!!

They were both having fun. Playing in the sand. He watched them from afar, smiling, thinking to himself how lucky was to have been blessed with two great kids, Aarav and Saby, his lifelines; and alongside him, the love of his life who was looking at him with pure magic in her eyes thinking of everything they had braved to get to where they were. They had been fulfilling the dreams they had together when they were young and foolish.
"One day we will live on a small house by the beach where both our kids,!!", "wait, u have already decided that we are gonna have two kids!" they had discussed. "Like you havent already decided what we are gonna name them," she teased him and he smiled coz he actually had. And even though it took a lot of effort, it had all come to fruition. They had done it. With their two kids, they had bought a small but amazing place right by the beach where each evening they would all just relax.
This day however was gonna be different. He didnt realise when he drifted off into his dreams and she as well looking so dreamily at him didnt notice when the huge wave swept and and both Aarav and Saby got washed away. Only when she couldnt hear their laughter for a few seconds did she turn and saw that they were nowhere to be seen. They both though were close to each other and Saby could swim really well, she saw her brother in the distance swam right to him and held his hand. What she didnt know how far off they had been washed away from the shore. They could see the beach in the distance but the heavy waves pounded them down.

They screamed as hard as they could. She too screamed with horror.

He woke up to the sound of the scream, his face wet with sweat, his arms shivering and his heart pounding. He looked around and tried to breathe.
It was the familiar surrounding of his room. He was there in his house, an empty bed and nothing but memories of the past, haunting him as nightmares now. No, those dreams had never come to fruition. He had been all alone for as long as he could remember. He had trouble separating fantasy from horror from reality. Slowly it all made sense and he just sat there, sat awake through the night, like every night had been for the past 15 years.

The Stranger in the Cafe

“Its 22 years now, it is time”, he tells himself.

Packed up his life, a bag on his back, a one-way ticket to the island, he leaves everything else behind.

It was time to bring the dream they had together, to life.

3 months later, as the cafe opens up for the day, a girl walks up to him, “This place is magical!”. He smiles as he takes her and her friends’ order. “The name is really unique and…”, she stops midway as she sees the tattoo on his arm as he put down their food and drinks on the table.

“Mom, you won’t believe where I am!!” she squealed over the phone. “I sent you on that vacation Sabby, of course I know where you are!” growled the voice on the other end!! “No no, that is not what I meant, I ran into this really amazing cafe and guess who its named after, YOU!!” she exclaimed, without giving her mom a chance to guess. “Ohho!! did u really wake me up at 1 am for this?” the voice sounded grumpy. “No mommieee, that isn’t all, the guy who owns the place has so many tattoos on his arms!”she tried to say “so what Sabby, people all over the world have tattoos, even you got one on ur last bday!!” the voice on the phone started getting impatient. “ Lemme finish na maaa..this guy’s arm full of tattoos, and guess what I found among all those, my name, and and and that book’s title I told you I started reading on this trip!” she blurted out the whole sentence before her mom could cut in. “Your name?? what are u talking about?? and what book? U read so many books, which one is this now??” her mother threw all these questions at her all at once. “Yes ma, my name, in full!! And I told u the book’s title when I got it, Acceptance is salvation, what ma, u never listen to anything I say carefully!” she said in her typical squeaky voice. “ Acceptance is my only salvation!?? is that the book you are talking about??” the voice on the other end of the line suddenly sounded shocked and a bit confused! “ Yessss ma, exactly, heyyy, you do listen to me!!” the girl continued in her pampered voice. Her mom got lost in some thought and stopped listening to her. “Mom, hello, are u there? are u listening mom??yuhuuu..” she said thinking maybe the line was down. “ Ya ya I am here, guess the network dropped for a second there. Well this is a huge coincidence, but its nothing more” said her mom, trying to conceal all the thoughts she was going through!. “Enjoy your vacation Sabby and stay safe and call your brother later today, he won another competition yesterday,I will speak to you later” she ended the call. The girl got busy with her food still thinking about the crazy coincidence.

Some time later, he comes back, “ how was everything?” he asked them “ Can I get you lovely girls something else??”

“The food was just amazing and the drinks were great too, thanks a lot sir” she replied courteously. “Oh I am no sir, just call me Armaan” he smiled back and left for his counter.

Moments later, she walks up to the counter to pay the bill. “You have so many awesome tattoos.” she said, trying to strike up a conversation. “ Thanks, they all mean a great deal to me” he replied smiling yet again. “ Oh great, I was just surprised to see you have my name in those tattoos there” she replied. The smile on his face turned into surprise, “ what is your name?” She simply poked his arm where her name lay in ink. “ This sure is an interesting coincidence” he replied. “ Oh this is nothing, the bigger one is that you seem to be a hardcore fan of a book I am currently reading and also this cafe is…” she was cut in. “ Which book??” he was getting a lil intrigued. This time she pulled out the book from her bag instead of poking his arm. “ Oh ya, it was a great book, I really liked it too, the story was really interesting, specially the end.” he tried to cover up a lot of emotions. “Well obviously I can see you loved every part of it, why else would one get a book’s title tattooed permanently!?” “ And and u didn’t let me finish earlier, this place is named after my mom, now that is a whole lot of coincidences.”she rushed through the last part. “Your, your mom? this place??” He was in shock. “ Yup even I was shocked at first, crazy right??” she said in a bubbly tone. “ Ya, these sure are too many coincidences at once.” he said as he handed back her credit card, still in a state of shock.

“Well, thanks again for all the amazing ….” again she got cut off as her phone rang. She pulled it out and her brother’s name flashed on the screen. He looked at the name in disbelief. He stayed in his dazed state as she walked out while talking to her brother. He turned his arm to reveal the same name on the back.

A lone tear escaped his eye as all the memories came gushing back to him.

He picked up his phone to the notification sound of new mail.

The opening line read,“You actually finally did it”-she did remember.

“I had to keep my promises to you and myself”, read the opening line of his reply. He simply stood there and smiled.

Raah-E-Ishq

Is raah par badhe hue kadam kahan ruka krte hain, ap to vaapis jaane ka zikr krte hain,

Ye ishq k raaste hain huzuur, is pe ya to aashiq nipat jaaya krte hai, ya ye raaste simat jaaya krte hain,

Ye mohabbat ki ore jaate hue raaste hain, inme mod to aa jaaya krte hain,

Pr vo mod ya to mazil tk le jaate hain, ya aakhri anjaam tk pahuncha jaaya krte hain,

Har kisi k liye nahi bani ye raahein, inpe ya to sirfire ya kaafir safar kia krte hain,

Yahan aaghaaz to khushi se ho jaate hain, muqammal jahan tk kewal aansu h pahunchaya krte hain,

Manzilon ko pana yahaan asana nahi, vaapis to yahaan se aashiqon k janaaze jaaya krte hain,

Isiliye bas yahi salaah har kisi ko dete hain k thoda sambhal k chaliye in raaston pe,

Yahan aage badhe kadam ruka nahi krte, na jaane aap kaise vaapis jaane ki baat krte hain….

Random musings- The flaws of many through the eyes of one

Second chances are overrated. Not everyone gets them, not everyone deserves them and not everyone values them. In most cases people tend to think that whatever they did wrong the first time, they will turn it around the second time. I don’t really get this concept. If it were supposed to go right, there wouldn’t have been the need for a second chance. But still lets give them the opportunity to give it a try. Yet the people who ask for a second chance at redemption don’t always realise it when they have it and are too quick to squander it away. The second thing that feels quite similar is the concept of forgiveness in today’s world. Admit it, you know it too, most people don’t really understand what that means. The ones who deserve it, are not really offered a chance and the ones who get it never really wanna accept it. What most people don’t get it that if you are truly forgiving someone, you don’t need to let it be known over and over again, coz if you do, you haven’t really either forgiven or forgotten. If you are really ready to forgive someone for whatever crime or mistake( apparently the dividing line has become too frail) that they committed, just forget about it and move on. Stop trying to make the other person feel that how grateful he should feel for getting your forgiveness. If its a gift, it needs to be a silent one. And for the people who are lucky enough to be blessed by someone’s true forgiveness, accept the gesture and move on. If the victim wanted you punished, you would face the judgement. Be glad that you aren’t, thank them and just make something better of it. There is no glory in rejecting a heartfelt forgiveness because that doesn’t do anyone any good. The other person anyways has let it go, the best you can do is not ruin something or someone else over this. Finally the last troubling thought that I can’t just let go is the difficulty or rather incapability of most of the people to accept certain, if not all things how they are. I get it, we constantly wanna try and make things better and that is what we devote most part of our lives to, but simple saying, there are several such instances or occurrences or circumstances that are simply beyond our control or rather’s beyond anyone’s control. Why do people still keep hammering at such things, trying over and over again to chip off anything from the existing structure and make it better(according to their personal belief). Yes its great to strive for excellence but frankly the mantra of acceptance in so many places works wonders. There is no joy in fretting over something that cannot change. Its just good logic to spend that thought or energy in something else, life has so much more to show, all you need to do is look closely with open eyes.

Acceptance is our only Salvation-Part 2

Contd from  http://armaan-goyal.blogspot.in/2015/04/acceptance-is-our-only-salvation-part-1.html



Now this is one of the most dangerous and devastating phases that most of the people have to go through, this denial mode. There is a very simple reason for its existence and an even simpler one for it being so dangerously devastating. The only reason most of us go into this denial mode is fear- the fear of loosing,  loosing something that we feel has been gained with such great efforts and perseverance and feeling that its loss can bring unbearable pain. So just to avoid that imaginary(or real, wouldn't comment on that yet) pain, we start to fool ourselves that this rendezvous with the truth is actually a lie and that the cloaked person and those fabricated feelings are the real deal. We fail to realise that this denial mode may extend that period a little longer, but something with a foundation so weak can never stand the test of time or distance. I don't mean to question anyone's devotion or passion for the person they love, but if u will, just ask yourself this question once and keep the answer to yourself but still do ask yourself once, "Is this what u actually wanted?" The answer I know will mostly be a no and there is nothing to be discouraged about.

There are two ways this answer can take you. Yes, the answer will be the same,"NO", yet it can come from two totally opposite lines of reasoning. What matters now is if you can truly understand whether your line of reasoning was the correct one and also if you have the strength to accept it and face the consequence. I ll go for the brighter side first. Is this what you actually wanted, "No, it isnt!" Now just ask yourself,"But is all that has changed worth it or are you just fooling yourself coz you are too weak to accept the loss?". Here is when the story changes. If you are certain that all that has changed has been an evolution into something that may be unpredictable yet beautiful and that you are prepared to face any challenges that may arise in the future due to this, just forget everything and give it your all with your eyes closed coz you are now in the clear. However, if the answer to the last question is on the lines of,"I don't really know, all I know is that too much has changed and I am not sure whether these changes are for good or not!" well, that's a cause for worry. Changes are inevitable, but if they aren't happening for good(or if you aren't sure) well they are happening for the bad. There is no sweeter way to put this. And that is how we people need to take this reality check.

You can't always plan everything. Well ya, you can, but there is no way to predict if everything will go as you planned it. These are matters of the heart, and the workings of this part of us have never been a slave to logic, there is never the same outcome with the same variables. Nothing I guess is as fickle as this heart and the way it functions. I may sound a bit too dramatic here but that is how I see it. So coming back to the second answer, if that is what you get as a response, its time to face the reality and accept the fate. This is the time to be smart and to put an end to something you have been sugar coating for yourself as well as the other person involved. And there is a very important reason behind that. For you, the reply may be the latter but maybe the one you love has the former answer. Now this is where the true test comes in and the outcome of this is never pretty. This is where most of the trouble will arise if you have come this far in analyzing where you stand.

This is the stage that you know its time to end it all. But now you feel that the person you have been devoted to for such a long time, how can you let them loose just like that, how will you make them understand, how will they take it. Well, this all is what this feeling of love entails. This strength that you need to sever the bond that you have been clinging to because you were too afraid. Love isnt always about who can hang on the longest, its about having the strength to do the right thing at the right time. If you end it all at this moment when you realize this you will be doing yourself and the other person a favour. Yes the other person will be hurt but look at it this way, isnt that better than prolonging it and heading towards an ugly end that you know will come sooner or later. Lets just say that you do cloak yourself from this reality and keep going the way everything was. All you are now doing is digging two graves and one thing I can assure you is that you will have to bury the other person with your own hands before you lay in yours. Yes, ending it now is accompanied with seemingly unbearable pain, but this one passes, sometimes quickly and mostly slowly, but it passes. Its all on you, your strength and your perseverance.

Love is not something too complicated, it just requires a lot of courage and strength and just one additional thing, Truth in your heart. You have that and everything else will flow on its own. The pain, the tears and everything else will pass if you can accept it all. Nothing lasts forever, so make it worthwhile till it exists in its true form. Well I personally use my mantra and feel that it can pull you through it all, whichever side of the story you are on. Acceptance is definitely my only salvation coz the things I cannot change I can only accept, be it love or the absence of it. But then again, what do I know, maybe love got to me as well!! ;)